dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
