he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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