Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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