u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Maybe he injected his testicle?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize