someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
