Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
