he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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