I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
