I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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