HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
