you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
