I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
