he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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