He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize