So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
