I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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