Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
