i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
