I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
