He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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