but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
