Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
