look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
