Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
