I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
