After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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