I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
