We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
