you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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