Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
