all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
