Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize