My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i already hear my dad disowning me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
