We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
