He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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