i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
