I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
