so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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