do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
