another moral hangover. fuck.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
