Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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