Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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