they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
