Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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