ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
