Im at strip club and am horny
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
