she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
