My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
