dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
