I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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