There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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