I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
