Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
