Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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