singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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