I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
