So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
