My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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