i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
