If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
