I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
