YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
