He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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