You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
