closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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