dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
