I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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