I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
