I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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