Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
