I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
